Yesterday we took the kids to get pumpkins. Finding pumpkins that are free of rot in Florida can be difficult. We did not have a lot of time so we ended up at a pseudo "patch" in the parking lot of Bank of America's office park. We did find a few nice pumpkins and it was fun to see the kids run around trying to decide which one would be the best specimen to carve. Dad is going to carve with them tonight while I get in a few extra hours at the hospital giving flu shots.
Work is difficult right now with the election only a few days away. I may have mentioned that I am the only person in my department that supports Obama and the democratic party. I, however, do not feel hatred toward the others. I understand that their experience may be different from mine and am simply glad that they have the right to vote and have voted. In my situation, as Army wife, mother, nurse, middle class townhome owner, consumer of the public schools, college graduate from a private school with loans that I am still paying, family member who has witnessed the effects of mental illness, the lack of resources for those unable to afford health insurance even when working full time. Well, these are my issues. The issues that shaped my vote and it is frustrating to hear people at work talk about my vote as a flaw, with anger and resentment. I feel at times like others are actually talking about this candidate like he is a criminal that is personally at their doorstep. Frightens me to hear that level of disdain and nonacceptance. It makes me frightened for Obama.
My dad leaves on election day. It has been really nice having him. I am trying to round up a final list of items he could help on before he leaves. I work this weekend, his last weekend here and am a little sad because we have to been out a lot. We have only been to the beach once and never made it to St. Augustine. He has read a lot of books and the dogs love him.
Lee and the kids are still skyping at night and that works well. When he doesn't call Liam is the first to notice and if tired will quickly find tears.
GAS prices are one of my main forms of entertainment. The Kangaroo is definitely the cheapest around here at 2.34 a gallon the yesterday. I need to get a new hobby and start building up my social world. It can be very quiet around here and I notice how I have many friends but not enough chaos in the home. I love home chaos and lots of people. Chaos and a laundry lady would be my idea of a perfect situation. I still consider adopting another child. The thought hits me often. Lee is not on board and was very much against a third child so by allowing my thoughts to go this way I dig myself a further hole. But that baby smell and soft skin and the daily life of being a Mom brings me so much pleasure, always have.
Army pay is twice a month while Lee's civilian pay was always every other week. It may seem like the same thing but it isn't. It is mych easier to monitor accounts the civilian way. Had a text message from the bank at 2am that our account was overdrawn. Woke up to find that the mortgage was sent at 2 am to make a negative balance. I transferred savings to make it positive. Then at 10 am the Army paycheck electronically deposited into the account. Frustrating. I feel Ike I am on the verge of going broke all the time. Lee manages that whole ting better. I am capable- of course I am. I am an educated, bright, woman. The ownership issue is difficult. We need to refinance our house and I can because I have the POA--but the amount of work that takes and doing it solo frustrates me. I also have to write a letter begging for the exemption we are due on the home. I have to provide the justification for filing late. I have to explain that we are 3 years later filing for the exemption because we simply did not know about it?
Hazel showed me her running shoes today---her toes are at the end. I only bought those 2 months ago! What does she need now...a size 9.5? She is 10.5 and growing like a weed. I guess I will make new shoes a priority for her this week.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
All I ever say is ....I am really busy
I have the two most wonderful children. We have raised them well. I have spent and do spend an amazing amount of emotional energy on concerning myself with their life experience. In general it all works well...but on days like today I question the commitment.
I had a car accident on Friday with Hazel in the passenger seat. I took her with me to early vote. She came in the booth with me and I walked her through the entire ballot with whispers and an explanation to why I vote the way I do and how voting is a personal choice that is the RIGHT of every American. I explained how there are two sides to every amendment, measure or candidate. I explained that although I have been super OBAMA MOMMA for the past few months I do understand the issue from the other side. I do understand and all I ask is that when she votes, she educate herself on each and every candidate and issue and NOT vote one way or another just because others are. So when we left the booth we headed to the parking lot and as we exited the lot to the backed up traffic on the passing road we were hit by a man going very fast. It hot the driver passenger and the driver door primarily. We were both okay. So then the shock of being the single woman with no one to call sets in. This happens often. I seem to always be alone.
Anyway, I called USAA and got my claim started before the police woman even arrived. When she did arrive she gave me a ticket for a a bad Left Turn....obviously. So then I drove to the dealer with the two doors unable to completely close and car warning lights going off in the Jeep. The dealer people knew me because my car had the great fortune of sustaining $4000 dollars of hail damage on the 4th day I owned it. That was less than 4 months ago. Looks like this is a tough year for me. I will have paid two $500 deductibles in less than 6 months. Ouch.
So last night I took the kids to Spooktacular at the Zoo because when I tried to take them last year and accidentally missed the date (where was Lee...he was not here so he must have been at some training--he took them 2 years ago) they both cried all the way home and have brought it up all year. The even was so crowded and miserable--well I digress. It felt like an amazing waste of time although I did get a couple of good pics in with the pumpkins and some stuffed Eagle that I thought was an ostrich.
Today was dedicated to Hazel's school projects and homework that took the entire day and still is not finished. I work tomorrow and Tuesday (7a-7p) so I will probably be up late helping her finish before Tuesday. Liam had lacrosse so I took him there. Hazel lost a molar that has been hanging for days. Liam fell off the couch after doing something silly and cried of sternal pain for an hour---so I bathed him and put him in my bed. So now it looks like I will head to bed and sleep on the other side of the bed where the dog threw up two nights ago and I have only half cleaned up. Sigh... I made the kids lunches and wrote directions for my Dad for the day so that he can get the kids sorted for the day.
The kids have a lot of homework and Liam is showing some huge signs that I may have dyslexia in my parenting future. I think it is a gift in many ways but it is certainly time consuming helping him and finding new ways to present information and help him retain certain things that do not come naturally. Tonight I find it difficult to do it all on my own. Raise the kids and give them what they need. I dread work in a way and worry that I will forget to organize something. Thankfully my Dad is here and doing a great job. He leaves November 4th and I will only have two weeks solo to sort out.
Spoke with Lee tonight on Skype...he slept in today and went for a long run. I think it upsets him that I find this so irritating. The facts are the facts. In this situation (and all really in our case) the men have the ability to up and go whenever they want and don't feel badly about it because the facts is that I (and other women I suppose) will take care of the gap and do all the work and take the responsibility of the children, and work and home and make it happen. I feel that although we may be on the verge of great progress in some ways in this country, there are many places that we are not.
I had a car accident on Friday with Hazel in the passenger seat. I took her with me to early vote. She came in the booth with me and I walked her through the entire ballot with whispers and an explanation to why I vote the way I do and how voting is a personal choice that is the RIGHT of every American. I explained how there are two sides to every amendment, measure or candidate. I explained that although I have been super OBAMA MOMMA for the past few months I do understand the issue from the other side. I do understand and all I ask is that when she votes, she educate herself on each and every candidate and issue and NOT vote one way or another just because others are. So when we left the booth we headed to the parking lot and as we exited the lot to the backed up traffic on the passing road we were hit by a man going very fast. It hot the driver passenger and the driver door primarily. We were both okay. So then the shock of being the single woman with no one to call sets in. This happens often. I seem to always be alone.
Anyway, I called USAA and got my claim started before the police woman even arrived. When she did arrive she gave me a ticket for a a bad Left Turn....obviously. So then I drove to the dealer with the two doors unable to completely close and car warning lights going off in the Jeep. The dealer people knew me because my car had the great fortune of sustaining $4000 dollars of hail damage on the 4th day I owned it. That was less than 4 months ago. Looks like this is a tough year for me. I will have paid two $500 deductibles in less than 6 months. Ouch.
So last night I took the kids to Spooktacular at the Zoo because when I tried to take them last year and accidentally missed the date (where was Lee...he was not here so he must have been at some training--he took them 2 years ago) they both cried all the way home and have brought it up all year. The even was so crowded and miserable--well I digress. It felt like an amazing waste of time although I did get a couple of good pics in with the pumpkins and some stuffed Eagle that I thought was an ostrich.
Today was dedicated to Hazel's school projects and homework that took the entire day and still is not finished. I work tomorrow and Tuesday (7a-7p) so I will probably be up late helping her finish before Tuesday. Liam had lacrosse so I took him there. Hazel lost a molar that has been hanging for days. Liam fell off the couch after doing something silly and cried of sternal pain for an hour---so I bathed him and put him in my bed. So now it looks like I will head to bed and sleep on the other side of the bed where the dog threw up two nights ago and I have only half cleaned up. Sigh... I made the kids lunches and wrote directions for my Dad for the day so that he can get the kids sorted for the day.
The kids have a lot of homework and Liam is showing some huge signs that I may have dyslexia in my parenting future. I think it is a gift in many ways but it is certainly time consuming helping him and finding new ways to present information and help him retain certain things that do not come naturally. Tonight I find it difficult to do it all on my own. Raise the kids and give them what they need. I dread work in a way and worry that I will forget to organize something. Thankfully my Dad is here and doing a great job. He leaves November 4th and I will only have two weeks solo to sort out.
Spoke with Lee tonight on Skype...he slept in today and went for a long run. I think it upsets him that I find this so irritating. The facts are the facts. In this situation (and all really in our case) the men have the ability to up and go whenever they want and don't feel badly about it because the facts is that I (and other women I suppose) will take care of the gap and do all the work and take the responsibility of the children, and work and home and make it happen. I feel that although we may be on the verge of great progress in some ways in this country, there are many places that we are not.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Daily life on off the battlefield
My Dad arrived late Tuesday night. I think he is kind of wondering what he is going to do here for an entire month! He is so used to running around in Boise, always busy and always more to do. Our life here is rather simple. Busy. But simple. We wake up. We get ready for the day. We get to where we are going (school or work). We come home. We walk the pets. We take the trash out. We eat. We do homework. We go to Hazel's soccer, running or dance or Liam's chess, scouts or lacrosse. Then we take baths, read and go to bed. At times there is a play date or birthday party to get ready for but other than that I suppose we are rather simple.
Yesterday Dad came with me to return a lacrosse helmet and pads that I bought for Liam at Play it Again Sports that were to big. Then we went to the Fresh Market because we were at the beach and we bought some gluten free items and chatted with a man who works there who is from Boise. Then we wen tot Ace Hardware to get screen to make Liam a sieve to use while he uses his new metal detector to find treasures. When we got home it looked like rain and suddenly we decided to examine the Florida room and the gutters....and so I got on a ladder and scooped all the rotten debris from the gutters and wiped down the summer sludge from the top of the room and cleaned the screens. Impressive. I had to climb up along the tree in the back to remove the Christmas lights that never got taken down last year (LEE!!!). Anyway, they were a mess.
Family fun night at the school last night. There was hosted dinner and games and a raffle. Liam, who has a history of never winning in anything random, won a raffle of games. He had plans to sell the games that he already had. However, he had his eye on Christopher (a young South African boy we know who is in kindergarten). This little boy was starting to get upset because he did not win (or it looked that way). Liam decided to give him his domino game. It was sweet. Liam gave it to him and a big hug. He is such an empathetic, kind soul.
This morning, I asked Hazel to wake Liam when she was upstairs getting ready. He would not wake up to she rolled him off his bed. He was still resisting so apparently she decided to drop water on his head. Great. I heard screaming and I run upstairs and Liam is throwing things at her. Anger control 101.
So it is Friday. Lee calls daily - sometimes we just don't know what to say. His world is so very different from ours. The level of detachment is grand but expected. I had a dream last night that he was talking inappropriately to a female soldier and I was really mad. Woke up mad. I hate that kind of brain penetration. It will be good to chat with him later for reassurance. Being the wife at home requires a lot of reassurance.
Yesterday Dad came with me to return a lacrosse helmet and pads that I bought for Liam at Play it Again Sports that were to big. Then we went to the Fresh Market because we were at the beach and we bought some gluten free items and chatted with a man who works there who is from Boise. Then we wen tot Ace Hardware to get screen to make Liam a sieve to use while he uses his new metal detector to find treasures. When we got home it looked like rain and suddenly we decided to examine the Florida room and the gutters....and so I got on a ladder and scooped all the rotten debris from the gutters and wiped down the summer sludge from the top of the room and cleaned the screens. Impressive. I had to climb up along the tree in the back to remove the Christmas lights that never got taken down last year (LEE!!!). Anyway, they were a mess.
Family fun night at the school last night. There was hosted dinner and games and a raffle. Liam, who has a history of never winning in anything random, won a raffle of games. He had plans to sell the games that he already had. However, he had his eye on Christopher (a young South African boy we know who is in kindergarten). This little boy was starting to get upset because he did not win (or it looked that way). Liam decided to give him his domino game. It was sweet. Liam gave it to him and a big hug. He is such an empathetic, kind soul.
This morning, I asked Hazel to wake Liam when she was upstairs getting ready. He would not wake up to she rolled him off his bed. He was still resisting so apparently she decided to drop water on his head. Great. I heard screaming and I run upstairs and Liam is throwing things at her. Anger control 101.
So it is Friday. Lee calls daily - sometimes we just don't know what to say. His world is so very different from ours. The level of detachment is grand but expected. I had a dream last night that he was talking inappropriately to a female soldier and I was really mad. Woke up mad. I hate that kind of brain penetration. It will be good to chat with him later for reassurance. Being the wife at home requires a lot of reassurance.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Random order
I went on a school field trip with the kids today. The tragic story of young King Tut. It was a musical with 5 characters and a simple stage arrangement. The theater is wonderful with busy wallpaper and thick burgundy carpet reminiscent of earlier days. The fold down seats appear to be the original seats as well. The acoustics were perfect. I think I will make it a goal to go see a concert there this year. The kids enjoyed getting out of school and riding the bus with their friends. Liam said the show was "boring" but he says that about most theater experiences. If Hazel thinks the show is boring she just imagines that she is the one acting on stage and thus enjoys the show.
After the field trip I went to Home Goods...looking for new sheets to set a bed up for my Dad. He is coming to stay for a few weeks to help out with the transition and spend some quality with the kids and I. Liam and Hazel are going to share Liam's room and give Hazel's bed to him. I thought I would change out the pink/purple theme for him although he probably won't notice. Home Goods is a great place to wander. I ended up with two hand towels that say "SPOOKY" in orange and black, a blue/green cast stallion that stands about 12 inches high, and a display for faux cattails that I apparently could not live without. Go figure.
Took Liam for his Monday treatment at the Mayo. Picked up Hazel from her after school media club and went home for a couple hours of helping the kids with homework and dinner.
My Uncle in Boise had brain surgery today to remove a tumor. I have checked in a few times seeking news. Trying to make sure he is doing okay and that my Aunt and their grown kids are holding up. He just got out of recover after 6 hours of surgery and is in the ICU. Seems to have done well in surgery. The next few weeks will be tough. I am thinking of them often and praying for a full recovery. As a nurse and relative I feel bad when I am not able to participate in the care of my own family. I felt it often in for my Grandmother in the last few years and it peaked during her last week with Hospice. I live so far away! I have good associations with caring for my kids, my mother-in-law, the bird I found outside my old apartment. So today I feel far away and a little sad that I am not around to take a shift to help in the hospital in Boise.
Alvin the Maltese needs a bath and is barking at the cat. Maggie the beagle/boarder collie has eaten the eyes out of two stuffed animals tonight. I did get the dishes done but have piles of laundry. I finally scheduled 1800GOTJUNK to come tomorrow so I can PAY them to get rid of my old appliances and trash in the garage.
Lee seems well in Texas. Crazy military seems to choose 2 or 3 am as an ideal time to get crap done.....then the rest of the day they have lag time. These kinds of details can drive me mad when I really should not even care. Lee seems happy to have the rest of his Company in Texas today and says there are mountains all around him. I would like to see or be in the mountains.
Now it is up to tuck Hazel in and have Liam read to me.
After the field trip I went to Home Goods...looking for new sheets to set a bed up for my Dad. He is coming to stay for a few weeks to help out with the transition and spend some quality with the kids and I. Liam and Hazel are going to share Liam's room and give Hazel's bed to him. I thought I would change out the pink/purple theme for him although he probably won't notice. Home Goods is a great place to wander. I ended up with two hand towels that say "SPOOKY" in orange and black, a blue/green cast stallion that stands about 12 inches high, and a display for faux cattails that I apparently could not live without. Go figure.
Took Liam for his Monday treatment at the Mayo. Picked up Hazel from her after school media club and went home for a couple hours of helping the kids with homework and dinner.
My Uncle in Boise had brain surgery today to remove a tumor. I have checked in a few times seeking news. Trying to make sure he is doing okay and that my Aunt and their grown kids are holding up. He just got out of recover after 6 hours of surgery and is in the ICU. Seems to have done well in surgery. The next few weeks will be tough. I am thinking of them often and praying for a full recovery. As a nurse and relative I feel bad when I am not able to participate in the care of my own family. I felt it often in for my Grandmother in the last few years and it peaked during her last week with Hospice. I live so far away! I have good associations with caring for my kids, my mother-in-law, the bird I found outside my old apartment. So today I feel far away and a little sad that I am not around to take a shift to help in the hospital in Boise.
Alvin the Maltese needs a bath and is barking at the cat. Maggie the beagle/boarder collie has eaten the eyes out of two stuffed animals tonight. I did get the dishes done but have piles of laundry. I finally scheduled 1800GOTJUNK to come tomorrow so I can PAY them to get rid of my old appliances and trash in the garage.
Lee seems well in Texas. Crazy military seems to choose 2 or 3 am as an ideal time to get crap done.....then the rest of the day they have lag time. These kinds of details can drive me mad when I really should not even care. Lee seems happy to have the rest of his Company in Texas today and says there are mountains all around him. I would like to see or be in the mountains.
Now it is up to tuck Hazel in and have Liam read to me.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The diagnosis, treatment and back to the routine
Woke up at 1:45 in the morning to take Lee to the Armory. He had been up all night. I was thinking to myself how odd roads are at 2 am. Concerning because the only other people on them are probably leaving bars.
When we arrived at the armory there was a "crotch rocket/PT Cruiser" gathering going on. I don't believe these were soldiers or have anything to do with the unit it seemed like a regular place they hang out and race their bikes on Normandy Blvd. Lots of engine noise. I was concerned knowing that if one of those bikes crashed at the 100 mph I would be the nearest medical person. A few of the officers went over to let the guys know that they had called JSO and asked them to leave. They did.
So a quick good-bye and then back home. Back to bed.
Woke and the elbow seemed a bit better but still red and hot and could have spread but hard to tell. I went to a doctor. Cellulitis. Basically, you get a scratch or scrape in one of you extremities and bacteria gets at it and then you get a tissue infection. I had to admit that the only possible scratch issue that could have caused it in my elbow would be small and probably from shaving my arms. Yes, I have been shaving my arms for the past few months. I don't know why? It seemed like a good idea at the time and then I just kept doing it to avoid the growth irritation. So, lovely, yes young lovely Dr. ....I have a small hair obsession at times and stress does not help...I may have over shaved my elbow!!! I was just happy to get my super charged antibiotics and get the hell out of there.
Picked up the kids from Lynda--they had her busy all morning. Today is Liam's official birthday but he won't let us recognize it until 2:30 pm when he was actually born. Past that now...so he is 8. He has Ben over and they have been playing for a few hours.
I did the dishes, mopped the floor, graded some math papers for Hazel's class and am helping her with her homework.
We are back on track, healing and grooving. Tomorrow I go with the kids and their Gifted Class to some theater for a field trip; both are looking forward to the day.
Lee has checked in. Nice to hear that he made it okay. He sounded tired and irritated about the guys who messed up with drinking last night. Makes you realize what kids we have heading to Iraq. Most have no concept of how their inability to be consistent and responsible could cost someone their life. But at 19, who does? My thoughts were with the leadership like Lee who have the grand task to mentor these boys and keep them and their peers safe.
When we arrived at the armory there was a "crotch rocket/PT Cruiser" gathering going on. I don't believe these were soldiers or have anything to do with the unit it seemed like a regular place they hang out and race their bikes on Normandy Blvd. Lots of engine noise. I was concerned knowing that if one of those bikes crashed at the 100 mph I would be the nearest medical person. A few of the officers went over to let the guys know that they had called JSO and asked them to leave. They did.
So a quick good-bye and then back home. Back to bed.
Woke and the elbow seemed a bit better but still red and hot and could have spread but hard to tell. I went to a doctor. Cellulitis. Basically, you get a scratch or scrape in one of you extremities and bacteria gets at it and then you get a tissue infection. I had to admit that the only possible scratch issue that could have caused it in my elbow would be small and probably from shaving my arms. Yes, I have been shaving my arms for the past few months. I don't know why? It seemed like a good idea at the time and then I just kept doing it to avoid the growth irritation. So, lovely, yes young lovely Dr. ....I have a small hair obsession at times and stress does not help...I may have over shaved my elbow!!! I was just happy to get my super charged antibiotics and get the hell out of there.
Picked up the kids from Lynda--they had her busy all morning. Today is Liam's official birthday but he won't let us recognize it until 2:30 pm when he was actually born. Past that now...so he is 8. He has Ben over and they have been playing for a few hours.
I did the dishes, mopped the floor, graded some math papers for Hazel's class and am helping her with her homework.
We are back on track, healing and grooving. Tomorrow I go with the kids and their Gifted Class to some theater for a field trip; both are looking forward to the day.
Lee has checked in. Nice to hear that he made it okay. He sounded tired and irritated about the guys who messed up with drinking last night. Makes you realize what kids we have heading to Iraq. Most have no concept of how their inability to be consistent and responsible could cost someone their life. But at 19, who does? My thoughts were with the leadership like Lee who have the grand task to mentor these boys and keep them and their peers safe.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Elbow inflamation and the day before deployment
Something started on my right elbow yesterday. I think I first noticed what felt like a bruise while sitting at the Mayo waiting for one of Liam's treatments. A couple of hours later I felt the elbow and it was hot. Upon examination I noticed it was red. I inspected in closely in the mirror but could not identify a source i.e bug bite or trauma bruise. I took 400 mg of IB and tried to forget about it. The elbow continued to swell through the afternoon. We took the kids out of school and spent the day at the beach. I was actually enjoying the process of trying to come up with my own diagnosis. Could it be a bug bite? Bursitis? Arthritis? Gout? Bug bit is the most likely explanation.
I woke up early today (Saturday) to get Hazel to her soccer game by 8 am. Liam in tow. Lee left at the same time to head for Cecil Field to gather his soldiers to prepare before families arrived for the big send off. While Hazel was warming up with her team Liam and I wen to get a coffee and he worked on some drawings with his magic markers. I was sweating it out an the sidelines in my black pants and light sweater that were appropriate for Lee's ceremony but ridiculous as the soccer Mom. Hazel played a good game. Sweating and flushed I removed her a few minutes before the end so I could dump water over her head and get to Lee's deployment ceremony.
Hazel changed cloths in the back seat. We were a few minutes late. The Red Cross had rolls and juice so the kids were thrilled. The expected speakers (the Governor, the Mayor etc.) at the send off ALL happened to send replacements. Some more prepared than others. Lynda and I were feeling the weight of Lee leaving. If you have never watched a group deploy you can not understand what it is like to see the soldier's families (all the babies and small kids hanging on the camouflage legs--spouses looking a bit grim and resolved). We spent the afternoon with the group at the armory - a great lunch was served and last minute details worked out.
I tried to go to a walk in clinic to have my elbow looked at but it had closed 8 minutes prior to my arrival. I took another 400 mg of IB and Hazel made me an ice pack. Lee returned his rental car, we walked the dogs then wen to the John and Lynda's to celebrate Liam's birthday with cake and gifts. He was thrilled....hugging everyone after every gift. He sat on top of the pool table with ear to ear grin and thanks.
I think it was only 5 or 6 at this time but we were all wearing down. Lee and I looked over some old photos from when the kids were small and some of his own childhood in South Africa. We bathed the kids and got them ready for bed. They decided to stay the night with their Nana and Papa since I have to drop Lee off at the Army base at 3 am.
Tearful good-bye for Lynda, sending off her son to a war she does not agree with while noting that Lee has always been adventurous. She notes as well that she is and has always been proud of that spirit, proud to live through his wild ways. Tough for his Mom.
Me, well my elbow still aches and the swelling continues. Concerns me but time is so short right now. I am too busy shutting myself down, fighting back tears with irritability and anger in a way I have come accustomed too. Frustrating for me and confusing to others.
This family will be one less tomorrow and I will regroup and get things together. My Dad arrives late Tuesday night and the kids and I look forward to some company in the house. I think I will clear a room and start inviting everyone I know to come at some point and spend a few days or more. It will make the time fly and give me time with people I have missed for so many years.
I woke up early today (Saturday) to get Hazel to her soccer game by 8 am. Liam in tow. Lee left at the same time to head for Cecil Field to gather his soldiers to prepare before families arrived for the big send off. While Hazel was warming up with her team Liam and I wen to get a coffee and he worked on some drawings with his magic markers. I was sweating it out an the sidelines in my black pants and light sweater that were appropriate for Lee's ceremony but ridiculous as the soccer Mom. Hazel played a good game. Sweating and flushed I removed her a few minutes before the end so I could dump water over her head and get to Lee's deployment ceremony.
Hazel changed cloths in the back seat. We were a few minutes late. The Red Cross had rolls and juice so the kids were thrilled. The expected speakers (the Governor, the Mayor etc.) at the send off ALL happened to send replacements. Some more prepared than others. Lynda and I were feeling the weight of Lee leaving. If you have never watched a group deploy you can not understand what it is like to see the soldier's families (all the babies and small kids hanging on the camouflage legs--spouses looking a bit grim and resolved). We spent the afternoon with the group at the armory - a great lunch was served and last minute details worked out.
I tried to go to a walk in clinic to have my elbow looked at but it had closed 8 minutes prior to my arrival. I took another 400 mg of IB and Hazel made me an ice pack. Lee returned his rental car, we walked the dogs then wen to the John and Lynda's to celebrate Liam's birthday with cake and gifts. He was thrilled....hugging everyone after every gift. He sat on top of the pool table with ear to ear grin and thanks.
I think it was only 5 or 6 at this time but we were all wearing down. Lee and I looked over some old photos from when the kids were small and some of his own childhood in South Africa. We bathed the kids and got them ready for bed. They decided to stay the night with their Nana and Papa since I have to drop Lee off at the Army base at 3 am.
Tearful good-bye for Lynda, sending off her son to a war she does not agree with while noting that Lee has always been adventurous. She notes as well that she is and has always been proud of that spirit, proud to live through his wild ways. Tough for his Mom.
Me, well my elbow still aches and the swelling continues. Concerns me but time is so short right now. I am too busy shutting myself down, fighting back tears with irritability and anger in a way I have come accustomed too. Frustrating for me and confusing to others.
This family will be one less tomorrow and I will regroup and get things together. My Dad arrives late Tuesday night and the kids and I look forward to some company in the house. I think I will clear a room and start inviting everyone I know to come at some point and spend a few days or more. It will make the time fly and give me time with people I have missed for so many years.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Jeep hitch installation as a solution to deployment
Random purchases have the power to taken my daily experience from hopeless to hopeful; today's purchase and installation of a hitch on my Jeep is one of these purchases. While my husband prepares to leave in four days for a year in Iraq I continue to prepare for a year as a single parent. Arranging the purchase of the hitch brings me one step closer to having a rear mount bike carrier. The rear mount bike carrier gives me the freedom to pack the kids up with the bikes and head to undiscovered places to ride and explore. This will pass the time for them. It will exhaust them beyond their sadness and feelings of abandonment, missing their Dad. Anywhere. At any time. Simple. Simple. Simple. If only this situation were this simple.
Lee's service to the Army National Guard has prepared me for my role as a single parent in many ways. He has been away at least 4 months each year since he joined and sometimes more. Last year it was 5 months and this year he has been gone at least 3 months already although it may be more (it may be less). However, this time there is a different feel to my role here at home. The distance is greater. The absence is longer. The communication is more complicated. The risk is greater. Iraq is dangerous.
This December with be our 12th wedding anniversary. It is difficult for me to let him go to Iraq. I never approved of Lee joining the Army and have fought my instincts daily in effort to support his service. We have a daughter who is ten and will finish her last year of elementary school while he is gone and will also start middle school before he returns. We have a son who turns 8 on the day he deploys who has slept with me for the past three weeks while he was away at training and cried nearly every night wanting him to return. None of the absences we have experienced in the past 6 years (not even the 7 month basic training where I sold our home in Oregon, moved us Florida and started nursing school) feel as big as seeing Lee off this weekend.
It is overwhelming, the last dinner, the last time to have help with the dogs, the last time he can read to the kids, the last joke, the last kiss..etc. As much as I hope and believe that he will return safely there is a gut wrenching fear of the unknown. Fear that he might not return. Fear that when he does he will be an emotional wreck, not the man I married (or the man he has become). Fear that the Army will not take good care of him and his soldiers. Fear that I will never get over the fact that I wish he had never chosen the Army over us. Or better yet, fear that I will never be able to see it any other way. Perception is everything.
So for today, my vision is a little more optimistic than the above might suggest. The hitch will bring the kids and I freedom to hit the rode. Freedom to do some exploring when we can. We will keep busy. The year will fly - Lee will return in a year.
Pitures of the Hitch and Bike Mount to follow!
Lee's service to the Army National Guard has prepared me for my role as a single parent in many ways. He has been away at least 4 months each year since he joined and sometimes more. Last year it was 5 months and this year he has been gone at least 3 months already although it may be more (it may be less). However, this time there is a different feel to my role here at home. The distance is greater. The absence is longer. The communication is more complicated. The risk is greater. Iraq is dangerous.
This December with be our 12th wedding anniversary. It is difficult for me to let him go to Iraq. I never approved of Lee joining the Army and have fought my instincts daily in effort to support his service. We have a daughter who is ten and will finish her last year of elementary school while he is gone and will also start middle school before he returns. We have a son who turns 8 on the day he deploys who has slept with me for the past three weeks while he was away at training and cried nearly every night wanting him to return. None of the absences we have experienced in the past 6 years (not even the 7 month basic training where I sold our home in Oregon, moved us Florida and started nursing school) feel as big as seeing Lee off this weekend.
It is overwhelming, the last dinner, the last time to have help with the dogs, the last time he can read to the kids, the last joke, the last kiss..etc. As much as I hope and believe that he will return safely there is a gut wrenching fear of the unknown. Fear that he might not return. Fear that when he does he will be an emotional wreck, not the man I married (or the man he has become). Fear that the Army will not take good care of him and his soldiers. Fear that I will never get over the fact that I wish he had never chosen the Army over us. Or better yet, fear that I will never be able to see it any other way. Perception is everything.
So for today, my vision is a little more optimistic than the above might suggest. The hitch will bring the kids and I freedom to hit the rode. Freedom to do some exploring when we can. We will keep busy. The year will fly - Lee will return in a year.
Pitures of the Hitch and Bike Mount to follow!
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