Cryptic communications and sitters who play piano

There is no glory here--only patience and understanding. I find that my position requires skills that I do not have and must acquire, quickly. If I cannot forgive, then my path of injury will be compounded. At least, this is how I see it. The funny thing is, I came here with innocent notions of life and love and two spoons that fit very easily.

I know that this is all very cryptic to the outsider. There are some things that are not worthy of the public but I hope to share this time in some way with those who care about me. Those that care about me and Lee. Maybe these are the people that were at our wedding. Possibly the onlookers who saw us climb into the carriage that night, trailing sound of bagpipes at out back. Maybe the reader who barely knows me now. The reader that recalls knowing me and is relieved to hear that other people in this world (namely, Lee and I) are also thrown to the vices of the world. We have been fed to the dogs.

Lee has been gone for 5 months. This is approaching the longest separation. Although I think basic training was seven months and fewer available lines of communication. This is really difficult. Have I mentioned how I wish I could grab Lee...and this marriage...and stick it in my pocket. It could be a piece of lint, or a lost coin. I would really like that.

So, today was good. More dog training with Ace. Walked the dogs to the park and invited the chaos of a public park. We took the dogs through tunnels and down the slides and exposed them to many experiences to remind them that I AM THE ALPHA. I am trying very hard...and we are making some progress.

The kids both had late nights last night and play dates this afternoon--so Hazel is curled up on the couch reading "Are you there God it's me Margaret" and Liam is playing in the bath with his Lego. I love it that this boy still plays in the bath.

I am really tired. I have had two of the most difficult days. I have a feeling that it is not over yet. My kind neighbors fixed my flag that had fallen in a storm and I was able to spend a couple hours at the book store tonight, curled up in a corner, reading. Thank you to my babysitter--I appreciate her energy with the kids and the piano tonight.