Sunday the 28th is our 12th Wedding Anniversary. It will be the first that we have been apart. It is hard to believe that it has been 12 years since we married. Our oldest, Hazel, turns 11 in February and our youngest will be 9 next October when Lee returns. Lee and I Married in 1996 but we actually met in the fall of 2004. Lee and I have had some difficult Holiday seasons during the past few years. We have had difficult wedding anniversaries as well. This is marriage and many of our years have been complicated by our independent spirits and grand expectations. So, making it to 12 years is an achievement, something to not take lightly.
However, as I reflect on the years I appreciate the opportunity to miss him. I wish him a good safe day in Iraq and hope that this experience is treats him well.
My Mom is visiting and the kids and I have had fun taking her to the beach and letting her enjoy the sun before we send her back to the snow in Boise. Tomorrow night Mom and I are going to the local dinner theater (oldest in the country) for an ABBA cover band show. I am looking forward to the show and taking my Mom out for the night.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Getting ready for Christmas and important passings
This past weekend the kids went to Orlando with Lee's parents and his older brother's family. I worked this weekend and was unable to go with them. They had a really great time. The kids are very close to their cousins who they only see once every year or every other year. Hazel and Sean are 18 months apart and Liam and Maddy are 9 months apart. Mary is the their youngest and she fits in anywhere really. Anyway Hazel and Sean went on all the biggest rides with Lee's brother and it seems like Hazel got the kind of interaction that reminds her of time with her Dad. She needed that and seemed to thrive. Lee's brother is very kind and affectionate with the kids and silly like Lee so it is good to have him around.
Me, I have been running around sorting the final items for Christmas out. My Mom arrives on the 23rd and I am having a dinner at my house on Christmas eve with my friend Rachel and her kids at my house. I work Christmas eve so Rachel and my Mom will be doing the majority of the cooking.
On my mind this morning is a patient that I have become close with over the past few months. She has Leukemia and is not winning the fight. She is the same age as my Mom and has a very sweet husband, five kids and lovely grandchildren. She has done everything possible to beat this cancer but seems to get every possible side effect. The bottom line is that the treatments have not been working yet. Her bone marrow is still full of cancer. Anyway, she has some kind of lung infection to go with the while thing and they are having difficulty getting rid of it. Today she has to go for an open lung biopsy so they can better examine the process because it is beginning to compromise her ability to breathe and she is on oxygen now. Despite being in the Hospital for 42 days now she looks wonderful.
I go to see her and her husband on the days I work. Last night she was laying in bed watching TV, her well groomed husband in the recliner next to her. The lights were dim and she had on her blue and while striped Ralph Lauren PJ's and her cotton hat to cover her head. The bed was clean, the room clean and the lights dim. It was like walking into their living room to visit except the has on oxygen and has visible IV's. Her pain seems well controlled. I am sad for her and am thinking about her family. I deal with a lot of people who die, but it is mostly elderly and their is often acceptance from the patient when they can tell it is their time. This patient is moved to tears at the thought that she may not make it. As the concept becomes a reality and she feels her physical self slipping she will say things like, "I thought I was going to die...." She does not seem ready and that breaks my heart.
I think she was only diagnosed last March with a blood issue so this has progressed very quickly. I don't like to see her unprepared emotionally to pass. It is such a personal adventure and mission to come to terms with the exit from this world. In talking about Christmas she made a comment about how focused her thinking has gotten on the little details of living (breathing, pain etc) that the other external details have really taken a back seat. Last week however, she was focused on getting home to have the kids over for Christmas and putting up a tree. She will not be going home for Christmas. She will be in my thoughts and prayers today and every day as she works through this process. I just pray that God is kids to her spirit gives her what she needs to find peace with the what her body could not heal. I think that is what I want for Christmas.
Of note, this patient and her husband never fail to ask about Lee. Never. He is a Vietnam Veteran and very sensitive to Lee's experience in the Army. They always offer kind thoughts and good humor when talking to me about him and my kids. They have never met my kids but know their ages and names and always want to know how they are dealing with Lee being gone and how I am managing. Amazing how some people can be so kind.
Me, I have been running around sorting the final items for Christmas out. My Mom arrives on the 23rd and I am having a dinner at my house on Christmas eve with my friend Rachel and her kids at my house. I work Christmas eve so Rachel and my Mom will be doing the majority of the cooking.
On my mind this morning is a patient that I have become close with over the past few months. She has Leukemia and is not winning the fight. She is the same age as my Mom and has a very sweet husband, five kids and lovely grandchildren. She has done everything possible to beat this cancer but seems to get every possible side effect. The bottom line is that the treatments have not been working yet. Her bone marrow is still full of cancer. Anyway, she has some kind of lung infection to go with the while thing and they are having difficulty getting rid of it. Today she has to go for an open lung biopsy so they can better examine the process because it is beginning to compromise her ability to breathe and she is on oxygen now. Despite being in the Hospital for 42 days now she looks wonderful.
I go to see her and her husband on the days I work. Last night she was laying in bed watching TV, her well groomed husband in the recliner next to her. The lights were dim and she had on her blue and while striped Ralph Lauren PJ's and her cotton hat to cover her head. The bed was clean, the room clean and the lights dim. It was like walking into their living room to visit except the has on oxygen and has visible IV's. Her pain seems well controlled. I am sad for her and am thinking about her family. I deal with a lot of people who die, but it is mostly elderly and their is often acceptance from the patient when they can tell it is their time. This patient is moved to tears at the thought that she may not make it. As the concept becomes a reality and she feels her physical self slipping she will say things like, "I thought I was going to die...." She does not seem ready and that breaks my heart.
I think she was only diagnosed last March with a blood issue so this has progressed very quickly. I don't like to see her unprepared emotionally to pass. It is such a personal adventure and mission to come to terms with the exit from this world. In talking about Christmas she made a comment about how focused her thinking has gotten on the little details of living (breathing, pain etc) that the other external details have really taken a back seat. Last week however, she was focused on getting home to have the kids over for Christmas and putting up a tree. She will not be going home for Christmas. She will be in my thoughts and prayers today and every day as she works through this process. I just pray that God is kids to her spirit gives her what she needs to find peace with the what her body could not heal. I think that is what I want for Christmas.
Of note, this patient and her husband never fail to ask about Lee. Never. He is a Vietnam Veteran and very sensitive to Lee's experience in the Army. They always offer kind thoughts and good humor when talking to me about him and my kids. They have never met my kids but know their ages and names and always want to know how they are dealing with Lee being gone and how I am managing. Amazing how some people can be so kind.
Friday, December 12, 2008
ZUMBA and other wonderings.
Yesterday my friend and I tried out another exercise class at the YMCA. ZUMBA! It is Latin dance inspired and the class tries to feel like you are at a party not a fitness class. Anyway, we had a blast although we were a total mess. It was very difficult and VERY fast. The room was full, the lights were down and the pace was incredible. I probably missed half the steps and was still sweating like crazy. The loud music made it so you could barely hear the instructor and since I carefully placed myself in the back (because obviously I had no business in the front) I could only see her at times. I took to following some your thing in the middle who probably does this on the side when she is not at her regular classes with the NYC Ballet. I mean REALLY---she had legs that wouldn't quit and never missed a step. We had fun. I think I am going to go back again tonight to the evening class.
I took Liam to the doctor yesterday because he has a cough that has been around for nearly 2 months. He does not have asthma and never had a cold associated with this cough. I thought he should we should have it checked out. Lungs were clear, one nostril a bit "boggy" is what she found on assessment. So it is either allergies or possibly PERTUSSIS. What? I thought that was something we vaccinate. Apparently it was the DtAP but it has changes etc.etc. and she has seen quite a lot of pertussis this fall. Interesting. Apparently this would be a 100 day cough type thing. Anyway, the treatment would be a Z-Pack so we went that route because if it was some other bacterial issue this would take care of it. Z-Pack it is.
At the doctor I also briefly discussed his weight loss this fall. She was not worried because he had jumped to the 97th Percentile when he is usually in the 85th so the weight loss brings him back to where he has been historically. However, after the appt. Lee phoned from Iraq and Liam was able to speak with him. Great. But after he talked to him he had a stomach ache, nausea, loss of appetite that continued into the night. He was sleepy and lethargic and was falling asleep in a chair in Target and then did fall asleep in the truck on the way home. He did not eat and would not eat anything after school and last night and sat holding his stomach at Hazel's Holiday show at school.
I have a situation where my son is very possibly experiencing sadness and anxiety due to Lee's deployment. I have him home today. I need to help him but have already tried so many different approaches, distraction, talking, extras attention. He feels this discomfort in his stomach....like a knot. Breaks my heart. He has an empty place.
I work this weekend again. Hazel has another birthday sleep over. Liam will be with his Nana helping get ready for the cousins that arrive late Monday. He is really excited and I hope having family around will lighten his load. I am sure it will.
I received an e-mail from Lee saying that he has Internet now. I am anxious to see if it is really true and if the connection is good enough to skype. It has been a long couple of weeks with the limited contact. We are not good on the phone.
I have felt my resentment surface again and find myself questioning the details of my situation. Why do I have to be the one who always sacrifices? Why would someone who loves me make choices that are for my good or that of the family? Post-deployment, will Lee become more dedicated to the Army after this experience? Is this the rest of my life? Will I always be the one in charge of the emotional security and consistency of the children. How many more times will I have to live like this? With the loneliness and uncertainty. Live with the fear. Will my friends always think that I am crazy to continue to do this? Will my kids feel their Dad made choices to abandon them because he was bored at home and wanted something more exciting in his life? -----Anyway, when I go down this path I usually pop a couple of rotten e-mails Lee's way (I did). this time I sent one refuting the claim that the deployment would be a a great thing for us financially that we would make a lot of extra money and we could pay off various debts so that we could finally buy a HOUSE with a yard so the dogs can go outside and I do not have to walk them 4 times a day. Hazel can possibly have her own bathroom. When the fact is, we pay are and it looks like will continue to make at least 600 less and although we do not have his car payment we do have extra life insurance to pay for, his Internet connection, after school care for the kids etc....so really it all balances out. I mean, in the current times I am grateful that we have pay checks and jobs, but I feel like once again this Army thing does nothing for our family in terms of our plans, living arrangements, financial security etc. So I sent the e-mail. He gets mad. He tells me, "Okay Nicole, you win, now let it go." And that is where I find us. Frustrating and sad. When we talk on the phone hours later all I can say is I love you and be safe because I really never know what his day will bring. I don't think he believes me and he is probably thinking that my blaming will never change and I will never really understand him and when he gets home he may have to finally call it quits so he can find someone who REALLY understand him and supports his dreams and goals. Then, that freaks me out, I cave and then I realize that my own goals (my what....who do I want to be....) will have to be meshed with the sacrifice of marriage and (as my good friend councils me) this is God's plan. Marriage is the ultimate test of sacrifice for the good of marriage and family. Learning to get outside of yourself and be a wife is God's great design (she never said I should sacrifice myself exactly but it sounded like that...).
So in the end I guess I will pray for clarity and guidance and safety and security for my family as individuals and as a unit so it can survive.
Then...in my head comes how Hazel has requested these certain earrings for Christmas ....the first "Name Brand" item she has ever requested. They are Tarantino and made of crystal and beautiful but shocking that she thinks she needs these. She is growing up so fast.
Liam...who I kept home is now making me play him a game of chess. Sigh....
I took Liam to the doctor yesterday because he has a cough that has been around for nearly 2 months. He does not have asthma and never had a cold associated with this cough. I thought he should we should have it checked out. Lungs were clear, one nostril a bit "boggy" is what she found on assessment. So it is either allergies or possibly PERTUSSIS. What? I thought that was something we vaccinate. Apparently it was the DtAP but it has changes etc.etc. and she has seen quite a lot of pertussis this fall. Interesting. Apparently this would be a 100 day cough type thing. Anyway, the treatment would be a Z-Pack so we went that route because if it was some other bacterial issue this would take care of it. Z-Pack it is.
At the doctor I also briefly discussed his weight loss this fall. She was not worried because he had jumped to the 97th Percentile when he is usually in the 85th so the weight loss brings him back to where he has been historically. However, after the appt. Lee phoned from Iraq and Liam was able to speak with him. Great. But after he talked to him he had a stomach ache, nausea, loss of appetite that continued into the night. He was sleepy and lethargic and was falling asleep in a chair in Target and then did fall asleep in the truck on the way home. He did not eat and would not eat anything after school and last night and sat holding his stomach at Hazel's Holiday show at school.
I have a situation where my son is very possibly experiencing sadness and anxiety due to Lee's deployment. I have him home today. I need to help him but have already tried so many different approaches, distraction, talking, extras attention. He feels this discomfort in his stomach....like a knot. Breaks my heart. He has an empty place.
I work this weekend again. Hazel has another birthday sleep over. Liam will be with his Nana helping get ready for the cousins that arrive late Monday. He is really excited and I hope having family around will lighten his load. I am sure it will.
I received an e-mail from Lee saying that he has Internet now. I am anxious to see if it is really true and if the connection is good enough to skype. It has been a long couple of weeks with the limited contact. We are not good on the phone.
I have felt my resentment surface again and find myself questioning the details of my situation. Why do I have to be the one who always sacrifices? Why would someone who loves me make choices that are for my good or that of the family? Post-deployment, will Lee become more dedicated to the Army after this experience? Is this the rest of my life? Will I always be the one in charge of the emotional security and consistency of the children. How many more times will I have to live like this? With the loneliness and uncertainty. Live with the fear. Will my friends always think that I am crazy to continue to do this? Will my kids feel their Dad made choices to abandon them because he was bored at home and wanted something more exciting in his life? -----Anyway, when I go down this path I usually pop a couple of rotten e-mails Lee's way (I did). this time I sent one refuting the claim that the deployment would be a a great thing for us financially that we would make a lot of extra money and we could pay off various debts so that we could finally buy a HOUSE with a yard so the dogs can go outside and I do not have to walk them 4 times a day. Hazel can possibly have her own bathroom. When the fact is, we pay are and it looks like will continue to make at least 600 less and although we do not have his car payment we do have extra life insurance to pay for, his Internet connection, after school care for the kids etc....so really it all balances out. I mean, in the current times I am grateful that we have pay checks and jobs, but I feel like once again this Army thing does nothing for our family in terms of our plans, living arrangements, financial security etc. So I sent the e-mail. He gets mad. He tells me, "Okay Nicole, you win, now let it go." And that is where I find us. Frustrating and sad. When we talk on the phone hours later all I can say is I love you and be safe because I really never know what his day will bring. I don't think he believes me and he is probably thinking that my blaming will never change and I will never really understand him and when he gets home he may have to finally call it quits so he can find someone who REALLY understand him and supports his dreams and goals. Then, that freaks me out, I cave and then I realize that my own goals (my what....who do I want to be....) will have to be meshed with the sacrifice of marriage and (as my good friend councils me) this is God's plan. Marriage is the ultimate test of sacrifice for the good of marriage and family. Learning to get outside of yourself and be a wife is God's great design (she never said I should sacrifice myself exactly but it sounded like that...).
So in the end I guess I will pray for clarity and guidance and safety and security for my family as individuals and as a unit so it can survive.
Then...in my head comes how Hazel has requested these certain earrings for Christmas ....the first "Name Brand" item she has ever requested. They are Tarantino and made of crystal and beautiful but shocking that she thinks she needs these. She is growing up so fast.
Liam...who I kept home is now making me play him a game of chess. Sigh....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Holiday Party, going out, life update
I went to my work Christmas Party last night. Hazel had a birthday party sleep over and Liam was at his usual home away from home for the night playing with his friend. It was fun to go out.
When I was in nursing school I went out pretty often. Lee was good about not really being bothered about me hanging out once every few months with a group of friends from school. Of course I was generally the oldest, the only one with kids and usually the first to get sleepy by midnight. But on the rare occasion I would push my limits and have a little bit of a crazy time. The next day was usually miserable and I would wish that I would act more my age!! Anyway, I had a nice time with my fellow nurses from the hospital.
This weekend we were at a cool little restaurant called the Creekside in St. Augustine. The best feature of the place would be the outside fire pit with bottomless marshmallows and some of the best roasting sticks I have seen. The band was an oldies band called Flashback - they played a good set or two and came to a close by 10 pm. I pushed the night on through by mandating a second stop for the group at the English Pub on the way home. We played some darts and I felt myself getting cheeky and competitive at the game. I should just call it a night when I get like that. I am like that with bowling too. I get crazy and want to win...to master the game. I lost. As it goes the night was a good night but I was up entirely too late. Lee phoned this morning and I was still in bed waiting for my alarm to go off so I could force myself out of bed to get dressed and pick the children up. I felt like I never really went to sleep.
The kids had also been up late so we took it easy today. They worked on a little homework. I went grocery shopping. Then we had one of my good friend's over with her girls and we made a good try at making Sugar Cookies for Christmas. I am a decent cook but I am out of practice and a little lazy. Only today did I realize that I no longer own a rolling pin. I KNOW I did have one. I know my Aunt Alyce bought me one when I got married and for the life of me I cannot figure out where it ended up in past 12 years. We rolled the dough with a glass.
We topped the night off with dinner at my in-laws. My brother-in-law was there as well - nice because I don't see him often. It was a gentle evening. We really do not have any info from Lee lately. We all miss the skype. The phone conversations are quick chats of details and lack personalization. The focus for us is the arrival in a week of Lee's older brother and family from Khazakstan with his wife and three kids. I can feel the dissapointment that I will be so single- that Lee will not be able to hang with his older brother. Lee has always looked up to him as a mentor and guide and will miss this opportunity to spend time with him.
Tomorrow Hazel goes to the orthodontist for a pre-braces appt. How strange that Lee may never see her with this same set of teeth again. She will be in braces and the twisted tooth that she got from him at birth will be corrected. I must be crazy thinking up all the minute details of life that change with his absence. It just reiterates this feeling of loss and separation--loneliness.
Despite these momentary lapses I am actually getting my Sh*! together and am feeling grounded. I am standing up straight today and getting things done. I had a good cuddle with Liam tonight as I read him more of Treasure Island. He is LOVING this book.
Off to bed because Monday comes quickly.
When I was in nursing school I went out pretty often. Lee was good about not really being bothered about me hanging out once every few months with a group of friends from school. Of course I was generally the oldest, the only one with kids and usually the first to get sleepy by midnight. But on the rare occasion I would push my limits and have a little bit of a crazy time. The next day was usually miserable and I would wish that I would act more my age!! Anyway, I had a nice time with my fellow nurses from the hospital.
This weekend we were at a cool little restaurant called the Creekside in St. Augustine. The best feature of the place would be the outside fire pit with bottomless marshmallows and some of the best roasting sticks I have seen. The band was an oldies band called Flashback - they played a good set or two and came to a close by 10 pm. I pushed the night on through by mandating a second stop for the group at the English Pub on the way home. We played some darts and I felt myself getting cheeky and competitive at the game. I should just call it a night when I get like that. I am like that with bowling too. I get crazy and want to win...to master the game. I lost. As it goes the night was a good night but I was up entirely too late. Lee phoned this morning and I was still in bed waiting for my alarm to go off so I could force myself out of bed to get dressed and pick the children up. I felt like I never really went to sleep.
The kids had also been up late so we took it easy today. They worked on a little homework. I went grocery shopping. Then we had one of my good friend's over with her girls and we made a good try at making Sugar Cookies for Christmas. I am a decent cook but I am out of practice and a little lazy. Only today did I realize that I no longer own a rolling pin. I KNOW I did have one. I know my Aunt Alyce bought me one when I got married and for the life of me I cannot figure out where it ended up in past 12 years. We rolled the dough with a glass.
We topped the night off with dinner at my in-laws. My brother-in-law was there as well - nice because I don't see him often. It was a gentle evening. We really do not have any info from Lee lately. We all miss the skype. The phone conversations are quick chats of details and lack personalization. The focus for us is the arrival in a week of Lee's older brother and family from Khazakstan with his wife and three kids. I can feel the dissapointment that I will be so single- that Lee will not be able to hang with his older brother. Lee has always looked up to him as a mentor and guide and will miss this opportunity to spend time with him.
Tomorrow Hazel goes to the orthodontist for a pre-braces appt. How strange that Lee may never see her with this same set of teeth again. She will be in braces and the twisted tooth that she got from him at birth will be corrected. I must be crazy thinking up all the minute details of life that change with his absence. It just reiterates this feeling of loss and separation--loneliness.
Despite these momentary lapses I am actually getting my Sh*! together and am feeling grounded. I am standing up straight today and getting things done. I had a good cuddle with Liam tonight as I read him more of Treasure Island. He is LOVING this book.
Off to bed because Monday comes quickly.
Friday, December 5, 2008
December 5th --update on Lee
Today was busy. I started the day getting the kids ready for school. I pressed the snooze 3 times but I cannot remember why. Hazel had a field trip to see the first half of the Nutcracker Ballet (the whole thing would be too long apparently). She wanted to dress up a bit because they were going to the Times Union Center downtown. I spent most of last night and this morning helping her find something to wear. She is growing so fast right now. All of her cloths from last year look awkward and small....pulling in the shoulders and difficult to fit over the hips. I pulled a sweater of mine out and we put together an outfit but we were missing shoes. So, prior to getting her to school at 7:35 for her patrol/techno cat duties we had to stop by her Nana's to borrow shoes. Lynda, Hazel and I are all about the same size right now so it is getting easy to borrow.
Once I dropped her off I went back home to finish getting Liam ready. Packed his lunch and helped him study for his vocabulary test. (note...I have mentioned his spelling issues wanted to share how hard he has been working. He is now in speech as well as gifted and has been working hard on spelling. He brought home a 100 yesterday from a spelling test that was difficult--Way to go Liam).
After I dropped Liam off I went to meet a friend for coffee and spiritual refueling. This friend is definitely in my life for a reason. She takes my cynical attitude and liberal views and loves me for them and continues to provide me with spiritual motivation and guidance. I have never met someone more resilient and true to her faith. I usually sigh and roll my eyes at the concept of a joint prayer (I am very private about this sort of thing). She will just laugh and let it roll from her tongue like conversation. She is incredibly bright and gifted. She fueled a good conversation on marriage and love and the work involved and God's plan etc. It was all good and well received.
When I left her I went to FINALLY pick up my Jeep from the body shop. It was filthy and smelly from the work they had done. I really thought they could have at least wiped their greasy paw marks off the inside of the door they replaced. One of the new doors sounds like a tin can when I close it and that worries me. I called the insurance adjuster to ask about it, she did not have any insight really so I am left to hope the car is safe and feel a bit of sadness for this brand new Jeep that is not all that new.
Next, my mother-in-law followed me to the airport to return the rental car. $600 total- ouch. We left the airport and drove to McDuff and Commonwealth to the hazardous waste dump to dispose of Lynda's hazardous waste. She is so dedicated to the environment- I continue to admire her dedication. Not a nice area of town, lots of poverty and I am again amazed that it is always so close, yet so far away.
It is just after noon now and I went to have my hair cut and colored for the Holiday Season. I love my hairdresser. He is very Miami. He calls me doll and gorgeous and is always fretting about being single and the lack of available men in Jacksonville for him. Then he told me this hilarious story about needing to loose 30 pounds in 5 days before he went to Houston to meet a couple of old friends. One of the women stylists ended up taking him to Dillard's to get Spanx (mix of girdle and body tights) instead. He was so funny. He was telling me how he had to cut out the male area to make them practical. Anyway, I was cracking up telling him that it was brilliant but if he ends up in the Emergency Room I hope he has a kind nurse to cut them off his body without taking photos and putting them in the paper!
Hair is good. Picked up the kids. Took Liam to him light therapy and finally came home at 5 tonight. Hazel has a friend over and they just finished painting cardboard for gifts at the kitchen table. Liam played an hour of his Wii and is now in the bath. I pulled out a couple more Christmas boxes but lost momentum halfway through. I miss Lee - I hate putting up outside lights. I just like them to magically appear. And although I have to FORCE him to do it, he eventually gets into it and does a great job.
Lee is still without the ability to do more than e-mail. He only has access to government Internet. He is waiting for his guys to arrive and calls on a calling card (we have had trouble getting the timing right and having a good connection). I think the base he is at is more remote and rustic than he thought it would be. It will be a long 9 months for him. I encourage everyone to send e-mail, letters etc. because the days are long and the missing of family seems great.
I think this post was rather boring. Daily life--101. I have a ton of trash to take out--miss Lee. I miss having another adult in the house. I think I talk to myself in my head....
Once I dropped her off I went back home to finish getting Liam ready. Packed his lunch and helped him study for his vocabulary test. (note...I have mentioned his spelling issues wanted to share how hard he has been working. He is now in speech as well as gifted and has been working hard on spelling. He brought home a 100 yesterday from a spelling test that was difficult--Way to go Liam).
After I dropped Liam off I went to meet a friend for coffee and spiritual refueling. This friend is definitely in my life for a reason. She takes my cynical attitude and liberal views and loves me for them and continues to provide me with spiritual motivation and guidance. I have never met someone more resilient and true to her faith. I usually sigh and roll my eyes at the concept of a joint prayer (I am very private about this sort of thing). She will just laugh and let it roll from her tongue like conversation. She is incredibly bright and gifted. She fueled a good conversation on marriage and love and the work involved and God's plan etc. It was all good and well received.
When I left her I went to FINALLY pick up my Jeep from the body shop. It was filthy and smelly from the work they had done. I really thought they could have at least wiped their greasy paw marks off the inside of the door they replaced. One of the new doors sounds like a tin can when I close it and that worries me. I called the insurance adjuster to ask about it, she did not have any insight really so I am left to hope the car is safe and feel a bit of sadness for this brand new Jeep that is not all that new.
Next, my mother-in-law followed me to the airport to return the rental car. $600 total- ouch. We left the airport and drove to McDuff and Commonwealth to the hazardous waste dump to dispose of Lynda's hazardous waste. She is so dedicated to the environment- I continue to admire her dedication. Not a nice area of town, lots of poverty and I am again amazed that it is always so close, yet so far away.
It is just after noon now and I went to have my hair cut and colored for the Holiday Season. I love my hairdresser. He is very Miami. He calls me doll and gorgeous and is always fretting about being single and the lack of available men in Jacksonville for him. Then he told me this hilarious story about needing to loose 30 pounds in 5 days before he went to Houston to meet a couple of old friends. One of the women stylists ended up taking him to Dillard's to get Spanx (mix of girdle and body tights) instead. He was so funny. He was telling me how he had to cut out the male area to make them practical. Anyway, I was cracking up telling him that it was brilliant but if he ends up in the Emergency Room I hope he has a kind nurse to cut them off his body without taking photos and putting them in the paper!
Hair is good. Picked up the kids. Took Liam to him light therapy and finally came home at 5 tonight. Hazel has a friend over and they just finished painting cardboard for gifts at the kitchen table. Liam played an hour of his Wii and is now in the bath. I pulled out a couple more Christmas boxes but lost momentum halfway through. I miss Lee - I hate putting up outside lights. I just like them to magically appear. And although I have to FORCE him to do it, he eventually gets into it and does a great job.
Lee is still without the ability to do more than e-mail. He only has access to government Internet. He is waiting for his guys to arrive and calls on a calling card (we have had trouble getting the timing right and having a good connection). I think the base he is at is more remote and rustic than he thought it would be. It will be a long 9 months for him. I encourage everyone to send e-mail, letters etc. because the days are long and the missing of family seems great.
I think this post was rather boring. Daily life--101. I have a ton of trash to take out--miss Lee. I miss having another adult in the house. I think I talk to myself in my head....
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
December, elements of frustration and the sky
Spoke with Lee this morning. Good to hear he is safe. Tough to hear how out of touch he is getting. He spoke mostly of speaking to Romanians and getting a resource to learn more Swahili. He enjoys being around the various cultures and comparing their work ethic, food, and language. Beyond that, he is just waiting for the rest of his guys to arrive. I know he will be busy this year but I think there is going to be a lot of down time and that to me will be trouble for him. I told him so...that he needs to start looking for online courses or something to occupy his idle time.
I was frustrated. Lack of things in common. I am taking care of everything here. It has been a good few days. I am over my cold and em looking forward to all the family over the Holiday. The kids and I worked out at the YMCA last night. I had them go to a kids Cardio class. You should have seen the looks I got after the class. They were by far the oldest. Liam loved the Dodge Ball at the end but vows to never do there again. Great. Hazel made it know that the average age was 5. I did however get 45 minutes on the treadmill and felt good. I guess I will have to go when they are in school.
Hazel has a lot of homework this week. She has to write a big formal report for her 5th Grade Gifted Class and also a big report for her regular class. The gifted report is on Elvis and she is nearly done with taking notes on her sources. The class report is on Khazakstan and she is just starting the research. The next few months will be full of deadlines and work for these two reports. Liam has a light work load this week but still two big tests at the end of the week. He is thrilled to have been asked to display his "Sheep" story on the hall wall but had to complete a cover page for the display....more homework.
My sister and I let my Mom is on our plan to bring her to Florida over Christmas. It is our first year without our matriarch, Grandma Irene. My Mom has been responsible for making the Holiday happen for Irene for nearly 40 years now and my sister and I knew this year would be difficult. We are shaking it up a bit for Mom and bringing her to Florida to get some fresh weather, the beach and a different spin on Christmas. She seems thrilled and grateful for the idea of change this year. My sister will stay in Boise and and spend it with her kids and help with my Mom's business. I am lucky that she is there to help take care of the business.
The kids were up late tonight and were able to have a brief chat with Lee. They, however, had just had it out upstairs about some water spill in the bathroom. With only one adult around the banter and arguing of the children can drive me to crazy rather quickly. I was calling them downstairs to talk to their Dad for the first time in a few days and they were taking their time. I felt very irritated. Liam was crying at the top of the stairs and did not want to come down because he did not want his Dad to see him crying (oh Lord....don't worry Liam..you let me see it ALL the time...Dad can handle his 30 seconds). These are the terrible thoughts going through my head. So I sat at the table while they tried to talk to Lee---neither seemed tuned in. I shed a few tears of frustration and felt the weight of being the only parent for a few minutes. They said good night and that was it. Liam and I went up to read more of Treasure Island (he is LOVING this story), and Hazel got it bed to read as well. Another night sorted out. I just have one last walk of the dogs and then I am headed to bed as well.
My truck is still in the shop and I am starting to get concerned. I have this rental car until Saturday. It will be 3 weeks now I have had the rental and 3 weeks I had my in-laws van. So 6 weeks without my car. Sigh...
The sky is very interesting the past couple days. Jupiter and Venus are visible in the night sky to the lower right of the moon. Apparently it only happens like this once every 150 years or so. Liam is already sad that he won't live to see it again and wants pictures. Lee's Dad tried to take a photo of it outside but the camera settings made it very difficult. Shame, poor Liam- he has inherited my sense of lost time and mortality. Anyway, the sky looks strange.
I was frustrated. Lack of things in common. I am taking care of everything here. It has been a good few days. I am over my cold and em looking forward to all the family over the Holiday. The kids and I worked out at the YMCA last night. I had them go to a kids Cardio class. You should have seen the looks I got after the class. They were by far the oldest. Liam loved the Dodge Ball at the end but vows to never do there again. Great. Hazel made it know that the average age was 5. I did however get 45 minutes on the treadmill and felt good. I guess I will have to go when they are in school.
Hazel has a lot of homework this week. She has to write a big formal report for her 5th Grade Gifted Class and also a big report for her regular class. The gifted report is on Elvis and she is nearly done with taking notes on her sources. The class report is on Khazakstan and she is just starting the research. The next few months will be full of deadlines and work for these two reports. Liam has a light work load this week but still two big tests at the end of the week. He is thrilled to have been asked to display his "Sheep" story on the hall wall but had to complete a cover page for the display....more homework.
My sister and I let my Mom is on our plan to bring her to Florida over Christmas. It is our first year without our matriarch, Grandma Irene. My Mom has been responsible for making the Holiday happen for Irene for nearly 40 years now and my sister and I knew this year would be difficult. We are shaking it up a bit for Mom and bringing her to Florida to get some fresh weather, the beach and a different spin on Christmas. She seems thrilled and grateful for the idea of change this year. My sister will stay in Boise and and spend it with her kids and help with my Mom's business. I am lucky that she is there to help take care of the business.
The kids were up late tonight and were able to have a brief chat with Lee. They, however, had just had it out upstairs about some water spill in the bathroom. With only one adult around the banter and arguing of the children can drive me to crazy rather quickly. I was calling them downstairs to talk to their Dad for the first time in a few days and they were taking their time. I felt very irritated. Liam was crying at the top of the stairs and did not want to come down because he did not want his Dad to see him crying (oh Lord....don't worry Liam..you let me see it ALL the time...Dad can handle his 30 seconds). These are the terrible thoughts going through my head. So I sat at the table while they tried to talk to Lee---neither seemed tuned in. I shed a few tears of frustration and felt the weight of being the only parent for a few minutes. They said good night and that was it. Liam and I went up to read more of Treasure Island (he is LOVING this story), and Hazel got it bed to read as well. Another night sorted out. I just have one last walk of the dogs and then I am headed to bed as well.
My truck is still in the shop and I am starting to get concerned. I have this rental car until Saturday. It will be 3 weeks now I have had the rental and 3 weeks I had my in-laws van. So 6 weeks without my car. Sigh...
The sky is very interesting the past couple days. Jupiter and Venus are visible in the night sky to the lower right of the moon. Apparently it only happens like this once every 150 years or so. Liam is already sad that he won't live to see it again and wants pictures. Lee's Dad tried to take a photo of it outside but the camera settings made it very difficult. Shame, poor Liam- he has inherited my sense of lost time and mortality. Anyway, the sky looks strange.
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