I went to my work Christmas Party last night. Hazel had a birthday party sleep over and Liam was at his usual home away from home for the night playing with his friend. It was fun to go out.
When I was in nursing school I went out pretty often. Lee was good about not really being bothered about me hanging out once every few months with a group of friends from school. Of course I was generally the oldest, the only one with kids and usually the first to get sleepy by midnight. But on the rare occasion I would push my limits and have a little bit of a crazy time. The next day was usually miserable and I would wish that I would act more my age!! Anyway, I had a nice time with my fellow nurses from the hospital.
This weekend we were at a cool little restaurant called the Creekside in St. Augustine. The best feature of the place would be the outside fire pit with bottomless marshmallows and some of the best roasting sticks I have seen. The band was an oldies band called Flashback - they played a good set or two and came to a close by 10 pm. I pushed the night on through by mandating a second stop for the group at the English Pub on the way home. We played some darts and I felt myself getting cheeky and competitive at the game. I should just call it a night when I get like that. I am like that with bowling too. I get crazy and want to win...to master the game. I lost. As it goes the night was a good night but I was up entirely too late. Lee phoned this morning and I was still in bed waiting for my alarm to go off so I could force myself out of bed to get dressed and pick the children up. I felt like I never really went to sleep.
The kids had also been up late so we took it easy today. They worked on a little homework. I went grocery shopping. Then we had one of my good friend's over with her girls and we made a good try at making Sugar Cookies for Christmas. I am a decent cook but I am out of practice and a little lazy. Only today did I realize that I no longer own a rolling pin. I KNOW I did have one. I know my Aunt Alyce bought me one when I got married and for the life of me I cannot figure out where it ended up in past 12 years. We rolled the dough with a glass.
We topped the night off with dinner at my in-laws. My brother-in-law was there as well - nice because I don't see him often. It was a gentle evening. We really do not have any info from Lee lately. We all miss the skype. The phone conversations are quick chats of details and lack personalization. The focus for us is the arrival in a week of Lee's older brother and family from Khazakstan with his wife and three kids. I can feel the dissapointment that I will be so single- that Lee will not be able to hang with his older brother. Lee has always looked up to him as a mentor and guide and will miss this opportunity to spend time with him.
Tomorrow Hazel goes to the orthodontist for a pre-braces appt. How strange that Lee may never see her with this same set of teeth again. She will be in braces and the twisted tooth that she got from him at birth will be corrected. I must be crazy thinking up all the minute details of life that change with his absence. It just reiterates this feeling of loss and separation--loneliness.
Despite these momentary lapses I am actually getting my Sh*! together and am feeling grounded. I am standing up straight today and getting things done. I had a good cuddle with Liam tonight as I read him more of Treasure Island. He is LOVING this book.
Off to bed because Monday comes quickly.
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