This past weekend the kids went to Orlando with Lee's parents and his older brother's family. I worked this weekend and was unable to go with them. They had a really great time. The kids are very close to their cousins who they only see once every year or every other year. Hazel and Sean are 18 months apart and Liam and Maddy are 9 months apart. Mary is the their youngest and she fits in anywhere really. Anyway Hazel and Sean went on all the biggest rides with Lee's brother and it seems like Hazel got the kind of interaction that reminds her of time with her Dad. She needed that and seemed to thrive. Lee's brother is very kind and affectionate with the kids and silly like Lee so it is good to have him around.
Me, I have been running around sorting the final items for Christmas out. My Mom arrives on the 23rd and I am having a dinner at my house on Christmas eve with my friend Rachel and her kids at my house. I work Christmas eve so Rachel and my Mom will be doing the majority of the cooking.
On my mind this morning is a patient that I have become close with over the past few months. She has Leukemia and is not winning the fight. She is the same age as my Mom and has a very sweet husband, five kids and lovely grandchildren. She has done everything possible to beat this cancer but seems to get every possible side effect. The bottom line is that the treatments have not been working yet. Her bone marrow is still full of cancer. Anyway, she has some kind of lung infection to go with the while thing and they are having difficulty getting rid of it. Today she has to go for an open lung biopsy so they can better examine the process because it is beginning to compromise her ability to breathe and she is on oxygen now. Despite being in the Hospital for 42 days now she looks wonderful.
I go to see her and her husband on the days I work. Last night she was laying in bed watching TV, her well groomed husband in the recliner next to her. The lights were dim and she had on her blue and while striped Ralph Lauren PJ's and her cotton hat to cover her head. The bed was clean, the room clean and the lights dim. It was like walking into their living room to visit except the has on oxygen and has visible IV's. Her pain seems well controlled. I am sad for her and am thinking about her family. I deal with a lot of people who die, but it is mostly elderly and their is often acceptance from the patient when they can tell it is their time. This patient is moved to tears at the thought that she may not make it. As the concept becomes a reality and she feels her physical self slipping she will say things like, "I thought I was going to die...." She does not seem ready and that breaks my heart.
I think she was only diagnosed last March with a blood issue so this has progressed very quickly. I don't like to see her unprepared emotionally to pass. It is such a personal adventure and mission to come to terms with the exit from this world. In talking about Christmas she made a comment about how focused her thinking has gotten on the little details of living (breathing, pain etc) that the other external details have really taken a back seat. Last week however, she was focused on getting home to have the kids over for Christmas and putting up a tree. She will not be going home for Christmas. She will be in my thoughts and prayers today and every day as she works through this process. I just pray that God is kids to her spirit gives her what she needs to find peace with the what her body could not heal. I think that is what I want for Christmas.
Of note, this patient and her husband never fail to ask about Lee. Never. He is a Vietnam Veteran and very sensitive to Lee's experience in the Army. They always offer kind thoughts and good humor when talking to me about him and my kids. They have never met my kids but know their ages and names and always want to know how they are dealing with Lee being gone and how I am managing. Amazing how some people can be so kind.
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